She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
