thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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