Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
