Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
