PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
