I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
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