Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
