Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
i believe in u and ur pee
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
