He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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