He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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