my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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