why didn't you poke me back
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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