I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
