Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
