She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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