I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All the doctor said was why
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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