Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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