I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
