Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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