people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
