Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
