If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
