Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
