accomplished twins. life is a go
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There r osticjed everywhere
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
