I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
