ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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