I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
