Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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