Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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