i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I fill condoms, not promises.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
