I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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