I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
