This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
