I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
