I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
