I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
