omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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