Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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