My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Randomize
