I heard we made out
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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