God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Even my vagina gasped.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
