nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
