Cold hands, warm shart.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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