kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
