It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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