why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
