I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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