I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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