I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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