After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
