I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
