"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
handjob tips. give me some.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
